Unwell (The Un Series Book 1) Read online

  Unwell by Robin Laine

  Cover Design

  T.E. Black Designs

  Copyright © 2017 Robin Laine

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written consent of the author, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes only.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or deceased, events, or locations is entirely coincidental.

  Disclaimer: This book is intended for mature audiences only due to strong language and adult situations.

  Dedication

  For my husband and children. Thank you for your love, the support, and the constant “aren’t you finished with that book yet?” You pushed me to work harder every time you asked. I love you to the moon, the stars, and back.

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  About This Book

  Prologue

  Azley

  3 1/2 years ago…

  “Where’s Eric?” I ask the crowd of people in the room. I look to my best friend, Tatum, when no one answers. She gives me a sad look, shaking her head before looking down at the floor. I glance around the room, asking again where Eric is. The crowd turns their backs on me, walking away without a word. Fear runs through my veins, my worst fear seeming to be coming true. Eric isn’t coming back to me today, or any day for that matter.

  “Azley, I need to tell you something”, I hear a familiar voice to my right. I look up to see Tina, a girl I went to school with, but hadn’t seen in over a year. She has a guilty look on her cherub face, and her lips curl into a strained smile.

  “What is it, Tina? Do you know where Eric is? He was supposed to be here already.”

  “Yes,” she answers with a smirk. “He’s at my house. He sent me to tell you it’s over, that he doesn’t want you anymore. I’m sorry, Azley, but he’s with me now. Actually, no, I’m not sorry.”

  How can this be? They’ve never even met! I reach out to grab her, but she disappears into the crowd before I can. I let out a scream as I crumple to the floor. He can’t leave me, he’s my whole world. I cry out for Eric repeatedly while clutching my stomach. This can’t be, this can’t be, this can’t be…

  I awoke from the nightmare drenched in sweat, clutching my belly as I was in the dream. I rubbed soothing circles over the swell of my stomach, promised the little one inside that Daddy would be home that afternoon. He wasn’t leaving us, and we would be a family soon. I’d waited for Eric to come home for six long months. Every day I wrote him letters during the four months he was on tour in Afghanistan. He was coming home early, after his vehicle hit an IED, causing head trauma that would have lasting effects. The hardest letter I wrote was when I had to tell him I was pregnant. I was devastated when I found out.

  The only time he called me was to tell me he was coming home. I replayed our last conversation in my head as I lay in bed that night.

  “I’ll be seeing you in about two more weeks, Azley. Be ready, because I have missed that sexy as sin body of yours. You’re going to be locked away in my bedroom until I get my fill of you.” I sighed at his words, because I needed to be locked away with him, but inwardly cringed at his statement about my body. Even though I was only five months pregnant, I had a tiny dancer’s body, so my stomach showed more than it would have on the average girl. I hoped he still felt the same when he saw me.

  ***

  “Oh, my God, I can’t believe you’re finally home,” I whispered into Eric’s neck. I had my body wrapped around his; as much as I could anyway. I met him at his apartment with a weekends worth of clothes in a bag. I figured we would spend most of the weekend naked in bed, so I left it in my car. I could always get it later. I was too excited to see him, to have his arms wrapped around me, to touch him. We had been lying on his bed, still fully clothed, just touching and kissing for what seemed like hours. Every time his hand grazed over my belly, I felt him twitch and pull away.

  “Is everything alright? I thought for sure you’d have me naked and sated by now.”

  “I’m just tired, Azley. I’ve been awake for over twenty-four hours, sixteen of those on a plane. Let me grab a few z’s, then we can play catch up.” Eric squeezed my hip before rolling over and passed out almost instantly.

  Eric slept the rest of the night and almost all of the next day. He would have slept longer, but I was tired of waiting for him to wake up. I had missed him, wanted him in the worst way; it was almost painful. I took matters into my own hands, literally. By the time he woke up, I was straddling his hips and centered over him. He let loose a string of curses as I descended onto him. He grabbed my hips and thrust into me at a ferocious pace. I never came by the time he satisfied himself, and when I tried to kiss him, he rolled me off of him and made his way to the bathroom. I was left feeling emptier and more alone than I had when he was gone.

  A week after he came home; I could feel a gap forming between us. After that weekend, he spent every night at his parents’ house and never contacted me. I feared my nightmare had become a reality. To say I was ecstatic when Eric finally called me would have been an understatement. He wanted to take me out to dinner, and talk about our plans for the future. I felt we were finally going to get back to where we were before he left. A feeling of dread crept up my spine when I saw his dad approach shortly after we were seated.

  Mr. Meyer sat down in the booth without a word. After the waitress took our drink orders, he looked to Eric. Nothing was said verbally, but volumes were spoken in that short eye contact. Eric excused himself to the restroom, leaving me alone with his father for the first time.

  “Azley, my wife and I had a long discussion with Eric, and we all have decided that it would be best for everyone involved if you gave that baby up for adoption.” I immediately wrapped my arms around my stomach. Best for everyone involved? Who was everyone?

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Meyer, but I don’t understand. What do you mean by everyone? This baby is mine and Eric’s. He said he was happy about the baby; why would I give it up?” The cold look in his eyes told me he didn’t appreciate my speaking against him. When Eric returned to the table, he sat next to his father rather than by me, like he had been initially.

  “Is everything settled? Did you give her the paperwork?” Eric asked his father.

  “What paperwork? What’s going on Eric? Why is your father saying I should give up our baby?” My nightmare flashed through my mind. Oh God, was it coming true?

  “Now, listen, Azley. I can’t help but think the only reason you got pregnant was because my boy comes from money. Prove to me that I’m wrong by signing these papers and I will bless your wedding to my son. If you refuse, there will be no wedding and there will be no financial help for you or that child.” The coldness in his eyes and voice, as he dropped a manila envelope in front of
me, held me speechless. I looked from him to Eric to that envelope, praying this was some kind of sick joke. Eric wouldn’t meet my eyes.

  “What are the papers for? Are they a pre-nup? I’ll sign anything. Give me a pen and I’ll sign them, just don’t ask me to give up my baby. Please!” I couldn’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. They couldn’t ask me to do that.

  “Azley, listen to my dad. If we give the baby up, we can get married. You can go back to school. You can do that dance thing you’re always talking about. We can always have another baby. Really, it’s no big deal. We found a really nice couple in California who are ready to sign the papers now. He’s a Major in the Marines. His wife doesn’t work, and they have the means to take care of a baby. We don’t. It’s a smart decision, Babe. Please, just sign the papers.” Eric pleaded with me.

  I couldn’t believe he was asking this of me. He actually wanted me to give up our child. He acted as though he or she were replaceable. My confusion turned to hurt, and then to anger. How dare they ask this of me! “What if I don’t? What will happen if I won’t give up my baby?”

  “Then we can’t get married, Azley. My dad will take away my inheritance otherwise. I don’t want to be broke all the time, Babe, and that’s exactly what we’ll be. I don’t make that much money right now. Besides, I’m not really ready to be a father yet.” There it was the truth. He didn’t want this baby like he said he did. I could feel my heart begin to fracture.

  “How can you say that? I thought you loved this baby. I thought you loved me.” I felt my world start to tilt on its axis. I suddenly didn’t know what to do. I loved Eric so much, he was my whole world. Nobody loved me like he did; or so I thought. Could I give up his baby? Could I live with myself if I chose Father over child? How could he force me to choose like this?

  My nightmare came back with a vengeance, replaying in my mind in living color. I was losing him; I couldn’t lose the baby too. I futilely swiped at the tears that streamed down my cheeks. “I can’t; I just can’t do it. I love this baby, Eric. We can make this work. I’ll get a job. I’ll do anything. Please don’t do this to us! Please!”

  “Listen, Azley, I’m just going to be brutally honest here. I don’t think I’m ready for any of this. Not with being a father, being a husband; not any of it. You’re too clingy and co-dependent. I still have a lot of living to do, and I just can’t do that tied down to a baby and a wife. Do us both a favor here and sign the papers. We can go our separate ways and start new lives.” He said this as if we were debating over who was going to take out the trash. Except, I was the trash and I was being put out to the curb.

  My life felt like it was over and his was going to go on. I choked back my tears, and my throat closed up tight. I couldn’t swallow, couldn’t breathe. My chest burned and my nose stung with unshed tears. I needed to get out of there. I jumped up, and knocked my drink over on top of the envelope. I ran for the door and vaguely heard Eric call out my name with a curse. With no destination in mind, I raced into the parking lot before I heard the screech of tires.

  I turned to my left and slammed my palms on the hood of a car; as if I could stop it by sheer force from hitting me. The car must have been almost stopped already, because I didn’t go flying through the air as I expected. Instead, I stood there staring into shocked golden brown eyes, my chest heaving with my heavy breaths. I didn’t think, I just ran to the passenger side and jumped in. Just as I slammed the door shut, Eric was there banging on the window. “Azley, what are you doing? Get back in here so we can deal with this!”

  “What the hell is going on? Are you fucking crazy?” The panic in the voice coming from my left jarred me out of my shocked state.

  “Just drive, please! I need to get out of here. Get me away from him. Just get me away from him!” I pleaded.

  The stranger raced out of the parking lot as though my life depended on it. It did, just not in the way he thought it did.

  For the first month after I ran from the restaurant, Eric called me incessantly. I refused to answer his calls. He showed up at my door once. My aunt and uncle were visiting, so my Uncle Kenny answered the door. I was in the kitchen with my mom, Kayla, and Aunt Nan, so I never heard what he said to Eric. The conversation took less than a minute, and I never heard from him again. Three months later, I woke up to labor pains. I still had another three weeks before my due date, but none of the tricks they taught me in birthing class to ease the contractions helped. My baby was coming whether I was ready or not.

  I was scared out of my mind, and I wanted Eric there to comfort me. I missed him, and I wanted him to be a part of our baby’s birth. My silly, love struck heart hoped that once he saw his child he would fall in love. He would take me back, and we would be a family. When I called his apartment to tell him, there was no answer. All day long I called him, and all day long I got an answering machine. I left a message every time, but no one ever called back. Finally, the next morning, after I gave birth to Tyler, his roommate answered the phone. “Hi Todd, it’s Azley. Is Eric there?”

  “Azley? Oh, um, hi. No, he isn’t here.” I

  “Do you know when he’ll be back? Or can you call him? Please, Todd, I had the baby last night.” I could hear Todd fidgeting over the phone as he took several deep breaths before he finally responded.

  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t supposed to tell you if you called, but Eric has gone to northern California with his girlfriend for the weekend. Sorry.”

  “He was in wine country while I was in labor and delivery?” The line went dead and my stomach dropped. A lump born of sorrow formed in my throat as I tried to swallow, tears stinging my eyes and nose.

  I placed my phone on the bed and cradled my new baby boy, Tyler Alden, close to my heart and cried silent tears. I cried for the loss of a love that now seemed as false as the monsters hiding under my bed as a child. I cried for the loss of a father in my son’s life. For him not having a good man in his life to look up to, to consider his hero. I cried from the wound left in my heart by a man who was too selfish to consider the impact his actions would have on an innocent child. I cried for myself. I cried for him. I cried for us.

  I didn’t think my heart could break any more than it had when I was ambushed at that restaurant. I was wrong. I wanted to crawl into a cave and sleep, to never wake up, because the pain in my heart was soul crushing. I spent days crying on my best friend’s shoulder. I was an emotional wreck, so Tatum filled me with strawberry shortcake ice cream, helped me take care of my sweet baby, and we watched a marathon of 80’s movies between diaper changes and feedings.

  “Listen to me, Azley, as your best friend I need to tell you this pity party you have going on is getting old. I get it, Eric broke your heart. Ripped it out of your chest and stomped on it,” Tatum stares at me for a beat, waiting to see if I interrupt her, before continuing on. “You were a strong woman before Eric came along, and now he’s turned you into this weak, woe is me little girl. Where is the person that used to kick ass with me? The woman who didn’t give a shit what a guy thought about her? I need her back. Tyler needs her now. He needs his mommy to be strong for him. When you’re upset, he’s upset; that’s how in tune with you he is. Is this the life you envisioned for him?”

  “No, Tatum, I envisioned a life of him being raised by a mom and a dad. Now he just has a mom. I’m floundering here, okay? I feel lost and broken. I don’t know how to get passed it.”

  She jumped off the couch, excitement coloring her voice, “I have an idea. Where’s that box of cards and pictures that Eric sent you from Afghanistan?”

  “Under my bed. Why?” Tatum didn’t answer as she ran down the hall to my room, coming back a minute later, the shoebox in hand.

  “Follow me, girl. We’re going to have a cleansing party!” I followed her out to the back door, and watched as she set the box down on the patio table before lighting up the small fire pit.

  “What are you doing, Tay? What do we need a fire for?”

  “I to
ld you, we’re having a cleansing party. You want to get over that son of a bitch? This is where to start. Open that box, grab a picture, and tell him how much he’s hurt you. Then toss that bitch into the fire. Keep going until they’re all gone.” From the look on her face, she was dead serious.

  I walked over to the box and grabbed the first picture my hand touched. It was of me and Eric the day he proposed. The happiest day of my life. The biggest lie of my life. I stuck it in my back pocket. Later, I would write a note on the back. A reminder to never let myself be in this position again. I picked up a different picture. We were sitting on his motorcycle. I carried it over to the fire pit, “You promised me forever. You promised we would be a family. You lied. You lied! I hate you, Eric! I hate you so much right now it’s killing me!” I tore the picture in half before throwing the pieces into the flames.

  So, it went, picture by picture, I told each one how much I was hurting because of him. How much he hurt our son. That I was going to be stronger than him, “I’m going to raise my son to be a better man than you could ever dream of being.” It was as Tatum said it would be, cleansing, cathartic.

  That night, I reflected back on my time with Eric. I realized I had lost myself somewhere along the way. Although I believe I wasn't needy, as he claimed, I was not independent of him. I couldn't let something like that happen again; not when I had a child to think about. Tatum had told me time and again that I needed to toughen up. She was right. I did need to toughen up. I never considered myself a weak person, and that’s exactly what I’d been those last few months. It was time to become the person I knew I could be; that I needed to be. I could not let what happened define my life and how I walked through it. That would be allowing others to determine my path. No, I lay my own path, and it was time to reclaim it. It was time to become bulletproof. My son would come first now, and he always would.

  My life had been filled with a lot of pain. Each and every stab wound to my heart had been dealt by a boy, starting with my father. He broke my heart before I even knew what a broken heart was. I was told a man would never treat a girl he loves that way. He wouldn’t use love as a game, walk away when the pieces were not aligned to his liking. It's a shame I'd never met a real man. At that point in my life, I felt I probably never would.